The REAL Cure For The Itch (by The LP Press)

...And now for a lesson in rhythm management...
We all know Joe Hahn likes to scratch... (I'm talking about turntables here!!!) But like everyone wonders about everyone, how did this start? How did Mr. Hahn become so interested in scratching? We have the answers.
Some sites have said that Joe started scratching in Junior High, but that's not the truth. He actually started sometime when he was a little kid. In second grade, poor Joe got chicken pox from someone in his class. As everyone who's had chicken pox knows, they're really itchy. Joe was in his parent's basement one day, listening to some children's songs on records, when his back and other unmentionable areas got really itchy from the pox. He looked around for something to scratch with, but the only thing he could find was some 45's that were lying on the floor. (for those who don't know, those are records. not the big ones, but the smaller ones.) Needless to say, he grabbed the record and started scratching his back.
...All right now, wasn't that fun? Let's try something else...
He didn't want to get his hands dirty, so he used it to scratch his, um, unmentionable areas too, to cure the itch. He later discovered that wasn't the ONLY kind of scratching you could do with records. In junior high, he did start scratching on turntables and not just his unmentionables, because he discovered this was also "a cure for the itch." Somehow, he discovered that when he itched, if he scratched on turntables, his itch went away. He had some connection with the records that made this happen, but nobody understands it. (It's one of those mysterious mysteries..)
...You must exercise the proper technique...
To this day, Joe still uses this technique, especially at concerts. If he scratched at concerts (not talking about the records..) it would look really bad, and he could possibly get arrested for that kind of thing, so he uses his turntable technique.
As we can tell by how often he plays, Joe itches quite a bit. It's some sort of disease but it's not very common. (it's presently called "Hahn-itis" because he's the only one who has it.) We can also tell he must have had some major problems while recording Hybrid Theory, hence the track, "A Cure For The Itch". It's safe to assume he felt pretty good after recording that. ;)
It may actually be a good thing that Mr. Hahn has this disease, because he's a big part of Linkin Park, and if he didn't have this disease, he wouldn't be able to scratch as much, because it wouldn't be necessary. With any luck, he will have it for years to come so that Linkin Park will continue on. If/when Linkin Park dies, we will know why. Joe Hahn has been cured.